What is love? i remember the famous words "the older i grow the more i distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom". After years of many trivial to completely painful (and yet joyous) relationships, i stand at a juncture, still trying to decipher "what really is love?"

I recall the story of velveteen rabbit, where the toy rabbit ignorantly and sweetly asked the question "what is real?, does it mean having things that buzz inside you and stick out a handle?". And the answer to that is quite fascinating "Real is not how you are made, its a thing that happens to you and when someone truly loves you, then you become real. Simply put, this clarifies the importance of love. True love turns you real. So the question i ask myself is in all these years that i have participated wholehearted in the actions of life, "have i turned real?" or am i still the toy rabbit yearning for genuinely being loved , even if it is just for a split second. It does not bother me that much on being alone today, but far more important is have I been touched with true love ever, and so "am I real ?".

I learnt that attention ; appreciation form the basic foundation that must be laid out in order "to love" and "be loved". These need to be ingrained within our character. Attention to others around us and appreciating how the association with them brings about the better in us must be expressed. While the fabric of love needs the basic ingredients of "attention" & “appreciation" to one's character, it has to be weaved with expression. Looking back, i realised the missing link for me to a great extent has been "not expressing myself". Does it not happen even in the most ordinary of circumstances that when you start to show less of attention and appreciation to others around you, they slowly begin to move away? It is our basic nature that we as individuals seek attention and eventually appreciation. As we start to take things for granted, considering much is already said and done. It is the shadow of "ego", under which we begin to imagine that love should be 'heart-felt" and not merely be realised through our having to overtly express. That is when we stop expressing and as a result many a times, the basic foundation of love weakens. Sometimes one finds oneself within a relationship in a limbo, stuck in time and space, like a toy car with weakened batteries and needs a certain push for the car to dash again. But who is going to give that push to start streaming and be expressive again.

Undeniably, it all starts with "attraction". We all have heard "love at first sight", and while some believe in it ardently, many oppose to the basic fundamental of how can two people who know each other less can suddenly begin to accept each other in deep affection, leave alone love. Both mindsets, i would say are correct in their own right. Those who fall in love right at the outset or at least believe so that they are in love are only reflecting a character of hope, intertwined with an extreme magnitude of attraction. Hope that everything else that follows would be as much or more charming. Such is their enthusiasm, that their pursuit holds no logic or reason. An innate desire such as that if sustained leads to a love tale that one only aspires for but seldom happens. It is a strange truth but as much as one tries to get practical in matters concerning love that much more is the erosion in what otherwise could qualify as a fabled love. In essence, it is the insane and deep attraction that triggers of the engine called love, which in itself has no logical reasoning.

It is sooner than later, what seems an initial spark of attraction translates itself to affection. Contrary to the popular belief, familiarity breeds contempt, it is actually much the opposite, at least when is in the context of love. Familiarity breeds liking. See it in all facets of life we tend to accept what we are most familiar with. That goes for even the most ordinary things in life. We tend to keep wearing the same clothes again and again (or at least the same type) that we get most used to and comfortable with. By and large, we continue to use the same soaps, shampoos and to the extent revisit the same places and also prefer to hang around with similar people that we are most comfortable with. Don't we say, a known devil is better than an unknown one. Unless something really happens that shivers up the momentum, one gets habituated and familiarity leads to liking, eventually love. The entire story takes a high dramatic path if the attraction itself begins with the crazed desire of "love at first sight". The same gets an accelerated leverage to get faster on from attraction to affection, and with sheer elimination of any logical evaluation, pitches the emotions onto a surreal charm.

It is a natural transformation of affection that results into acceptance. As we get to know them more, we start to accept their goods and bad and make them a part of our lives. It is over time, that familiarity alone results in building preference. Something right at the outset got us attracted to them, though.

Yet, what is love?

Is it characters filled with attention and appreciation for all others, that by some happenstance get together to realise crazed attraction between them, leading onto building deep affection and accept each other as they are. With time, it is but natural that one can only know the true extent of love. If it’s truly love, despite all odds, the affection would be far stronger than the wrath of challenges that try to break them apart. In their hearts, they stay bonded, even though sometimes might be physically distanced for reasons that go beyond love.

What does it take for a sustained affection ever so strong that can qualify itself to be realised as true love. It obviously takes two to tango, but having said that, each one needs plays their part to their best ability, with overcoming their fears. I look back and see that i have made mistakes. Nobody's perfect and as most would say every experience teaches us something and makes us stronger. The important part being, we learn something from them and with that realisation bring about that essential change within us. We become better people. It indeed to an extent is a misnomer, that "we should be accepted for what we are". In fact to a large extent we should be initially accepted for what we are, but indeed along the way some bit of change is inevitable. That is the change we make in us for the love of the other. In retrospect, we all change slowly and substantially over time. I realised from being petty and driving meaningless and selfish agenda's, i have come around to become seemingly a lot more matured. I can visualise and value the 'big picture' a lot more than what I could before. The big picture is true love which gives life meaning. All else seems mundane in comparison. Today, the necessity of being humble and empathising with others around me on their concerns and situations they might be confronting has got accentuated ten-folds. With every passing day, i try to be a good man, a better person than what i was yesterday. Someone ever said, 'be good and you will be lonely", after all it is very lonely sometimes, trying to play god. (said by Oliver Holmes). Life is like an onion because you peel away layer after layer and when you come at the end, you have nothing. Now even though unfortunately sometimes that is where one ends up, yet nobody wants to get succumbed to reaching that eventuality and so we fight. Is that not the essence of life. One should go on to play their part in the best of spirits, whatever maybe the outcome. "When all is lost, the future still remains", so by all means we always have something to look forward to, despite all odds.. Where there is life, there is wishful thinking. Besides having done what one could do takes away the resentment of not having tried. Remember the famous lines from the movie gladiator, "what we do in life, echoes in eternity".